I am starting over…again. Apparently, I am the butterfly who goes back into the cocoon every so often. I am liquefying yet again. And before you think you are oh so funny and original… yeah, I have heard the midlife crisis line already… many times.
I feel like a failure. I feel like a mess. I am 20 pounds heavier than I want to be and my health issues are a part of why I can’t keep weight off. I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. I am 40 years old, and I am homeless, I have failed at just about everything I have tried the last many years.
On the positive note, I have some of the best FRamily a person could ever hope for. They continue to love me and spoil me in spite of what a mess I am. And, on the work front, I chose a while back to start representing myself, and hire an amazing support person, and the result is one of the best tours coming together that I have had in a very long time.
It is hard being as committed as I am and working as hard as I have on every level imaginable only to have my life and health crumble around me.
So, I turned 40… and it did not come in with a roar… it came in with a whimper… and some deep, heart wrenching sobbing.
I know, I know… this too shall pass… it is all made up, and it is all impermanent. But, right here and right now… I am sad and hollow and praying that the beginning of this new year for me is not the sign of what I get to be with for the rest of the year. So, I am blowing out imaginary candles and making my wish…
One of the only good things about feeling this low… surely it can only go up from here?
Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……….